What do you do when you find yourself on the receiving end of unsolicited advice based on the projections and assumptions from the overwhelmingly critical people in your life? If anyone has any answers, I am all ears.
Maybe you are like me and tend to go frozen in the moment, unable to elicit a response just waiting for their spill to come to an end so you can walk away and find a safe place to self-soothe and try and understand what the heck just happened. You might be left wondering why the person thought it was okay to say what they said, especially if it is over topics that are off-limits. If it is really bad you may even dissociate during their spill.
Later, you may wish you could have spoken up and given solid facts and opinions, knowing these solid facts and opinions would just be invalidated or scoffed at in some way. Heck, if you had spoken up, your facts and opinions would just be used to gaslight you.
You may also be very aware now of what that person thinks of you, your life, and the parts that make you, you- regardless of how wrong they have it. You may find yourself ruminating over what took place, feeling hurt, angry, sad, and confused all the while wondering where they got the audacity to say what they said in the first place.
Of course, the person with all that audacity thinks they just did you a favor, telling you what you have been needing to hear, you know, their version of constructive feedback. Sadly, their self-righteousness and pride blind them from their folly.
Unfortunately, all they ultimately caused was you desperately trying to keep unforgiveness and offense at bay while you meticulously go through everything they said, attempting to find a modicum of substance that would be beneficial. It has now become an, “eat the meat, and spit out the bones” situation and all you are finding are bones with stringy bits.
Now, you are left attempting to move on, forgive, and put any offense down that was so easily picked up from that unsolicited, unconstructive feedback. It is not easy. I would not be writing about it right now if it was. However, I have come to realize that sometimes people can only see you through their tunnel vision of assumptions, projections, and warped views of life. It is not my place to help them see otherwise. If they want to continue seeing me in that way, that is fine. I know who I am. I feel more sorry for the person walking around with all that audacity believing they are doing God’s work as they leave a trail of destruction in their path.
