Honestly, I probably have like an hour before the caffeine begins to wear off. While I should be using this lovely power-up to put away clothes that have overtaken the dining room, I have decided to forgo that for now so I can take some time to write my thoughts down. I have not written for my blog in a long time, so I think the dining room closet can wait- a wonderful decision, really.
Typically when I write a blog post, there is some lesson or advice I have learned a long this journey of life I feel needs to be written down and not forgotten. While I do not have one single lesson to speak on right now, I do have a few musings I think need not be repressed.
This first musing is probably a lesson that has taken me a good ten-plus years to learn: protect your peace. If something is taking your peace away and you have the ability to do something about it, I beg you to find a way to either remove it from your life or fix it. When warranted, walking away is a great choice, too. Peace is both a value and a virtue. When you value your peace, you are not only considering yourself- which I would love to go back and tell my younger self that considering yourself can be a beautiful source of power and not selfish, you are also aware of the stakes at cost when something begins taking this golden commodity away- especially in this broken world we live in.
Suppose you are someone who struggles with people-pleasing. In this case, you will never be able to put your foot down the first time your peace begins fading away unless you learn to prioritize it over acquiescing to others. I am aware this seems nearly impossible if your nervous system’s go-to response is fawning.
Do not be like me and allow yourself to be stripped of your peace. It is much harder to regain it than letting go of whatever is taking your peace away, even if it seems like the complete opposite initially. Trust me. I promise you do not win a prize for drowning yourself just to keep something or someone else afloat. From my experience, it is never worth losing your peace over in the first place. Over the years, I have also learned it is better to do the hard thing in the moment than to hold tightly to temporary peace. I guarantee you will be incredibly thankful for choosing long-term peace after the initial moment has long passed.
Unfortunately, sometimes you can only see this in hindsight. Please let me be your hindsight and learn from me. Bonus lesson: confusion is typically what you will feel right when you begin losing your peace. If you can learn to detect the confusion in a situation quickly, you are better prepared to protect your peace and put your foot down at the first sighting of something being off. Remember: confusion and peace cannot be in the same room. Think of confusion as the beginning of a low simmer that can eventually turn into a boil on high heat. You do not want to become a frog in a boiling pot, particularly when you could have jumped out all along and saved yourself.
The second musing is much easier said than done: stop caring what other people think. People will always talk. Let them. People will always have opinions. It does not mean they are right or that they even know what they are talking about. They do not see the behind the scenes of your life. They most likely do not know your motives. They probably do not even see your heart. Their assumptions and projections are not facts. You deserve to take up space and live your life without second guessing your every move. You can live your whole life on pause because you are chained by the fear you have for others and their opinions- opinions you most likely never asked for in the first place nor are of any value with where you are wanting to head in your life. Since you most likely never asked for them, why are you still allowing yourself to be chained by them? You hold the key to unchain yourself to their opinions. Until you use this key, you will remain chained. Hint: stop idealizing external validation.
Lastly, be both kind and firm. While kindness is a great quality to have, you had better be able to back up that kindness with strong boundaries. Healthy people in your life appreciate your boundaries because they value improving communication, building trust, and fostering mutual respect. They want to be able to interact with you in a way that makes you comfortable and allows you to feel safe enough to be yourself, including being kind. Ultimately, having boundaries only makes your relationships stronger and healthier with the right people. The wrong people in your life do not benefit from you having strong boundaries. These people have no business having access to you in the first place. If you are unsure if someone should have access to your life, try saying “no” and see what happens. I promise the people that should not be in your life will out themselves.
I believe these are enough musings for one blog post. The caffeine is beginning to wear off. If you were able to stay with me to the end, thank you! While it is not always easy to put yourself out there, it is freeing. I am thankful I have a safe space to share my thoughts with others who desire to learn and grow. Sharing your thoughts with others can be healing. I know what it has done for my life.
Take Care,
Kayla
